Humility in Relationships: Learning from Christ's Example

In our relationships, we often struggle with pride, selfishness, and competition. But what if there was a better way? What if we could experience deeper, more meaningful connections by following Christ's example of humility?

The truth is, relationships are hard. If you say they're not hard, you're probably not trying to have good relationships. But through Christ's example, we can learn how to navigate these challenges with grace and humility.

Why Do Our Relationships Struggle?

Paul begins his letter to the Philippians by pointing to their union with Christ. He reminds them that their lives should be a response to the love they receive from Jesus. Our relationships with others should simply be an overflow of our relationship with Jesus.

Has the love of Jesus made any difference in your life? Have you found encouragement, comfort, wholeness, or peace in following Him? If your answer is yes, then consider how good Jesus is to you, how He treats you, and copy that in your relationships with other people.

The Problem of Pride in Relationships

Paul identifies two major obstacles to healthy relationships:

Selfish Ambition

Selfish ambition is "rivalry for one's own gain, regardless of the strife it causes." It's about glorifying yourself and putting the spotlight on you, no matter how it affects others. This shows up as a competitive attitude where we feel we must:

• Be better than others
• Have more than others
• Be viewed as more important
• Always win

While there's nothing wrong with healthy competition in games, we're not called to compete with people we're in relationships with. As C.S. Lewis noted: "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man... Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone."

Vain Conceit

Vain conceit is "empty pride without basis." It's misplaced pride. The truth is, apart from Christ, we don't have anything worth boasting about. All that we are and all that we have comes from Him.

As Charles Spurgeon said: "Whatever you are, you have nothing to make you proud. The more you have, the more you are in debt to God; and you should not be proud of that which renders you a debtor."

How Does Humility Transform Relationships?

Instead of pride, Paul calls us to humility: "Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of others."

What Is True Humility?

Humility is self-forgetfulness. It's not thinking less of yourself; it's thinking of yourself less. When we fix our eyes on Jesus and acknowledge that all we are depends on Him, it frees us from self-focus.

True humility doesn't lead to:

• Self-exaltation (because we recognize everything is a gift)
• Self-contempt (because our worth is found in Him)

Instead, it leads to self-forgetfulness, where we're free to focus on others.

The Practice of Humility

Paul uses the Greek word "scopeo" (where we get "scope") to describe how we should look to others' interests. Like looking through binoculars, when we're focused on others, it's impossible for the focus to be on ourselves.

The humble life asks:

• Who can I encourage?
• Who can I love?
• Who can I serve?

This is where true joy is found. As the acronym reminds us: JOY = Jesus, Others, You. When we focus on Him first, it frees us to focus on others, and then ourselves last.

Christ's Ultimate Example of Humility

Paul points us to Jesus as the perfect example of humility:

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. Rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death-even death on a cross."

Jesus, the King of kings and Lord of lords, stepped down from His throne to become one of us. He laid down His divine privileges and became a humble, obedient servant-all so that we might have life.

If Jesus could humble Himself to that extent, how much more should we be willing to humble ourselves in our relationships?

The Result of Christ's Humility

Because of Christ's humility, "God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

Every knee will bow to Jesus eventually. We have the choice to do so willingly now, acknowledging Him as Lord of our lives.

Life Application

This week, consider how you can apply Christ's example of humility in your relationships:

1. Examine your heart: Ask God to search you and reveal areas where pride creeps in. Pray, "God, show me the areas of my life where I need to be humble."
2. Shift your focus: Instead of making conversations about yourself, practice actively listening and asking questions about others.
3. Compete differently: Remember Romans 12:10 - "Outdo one another in showing honor." How would your relationships change if your only competition was to honor others more?
4. Speak humility: The next time you're in a disagreement, try saying, "You're not my competition. We're not competing."
5. Remember your source: Acknowledge that everything you have and everything you are is a gift from God.

Ask yourself:

• In what relationships do I most struggle with pride?
• How might self-forgetfulness change how I interact with the people closest to me?
• What would it look like to value others above myself in my daily interactions?

Pride is exhausting, but humility is life-giving. When we follow Christ's example of humility, our relationships can experience the joy, peace, and fulfillment that God intended.